Collage Pictures...

It is currently 1:10am and I cannot sleep. My son is asleep and I really should be headed in that direction as well but I cannot help but think about life. How much it is changing, the things I am having a hard time accepting, the things I wish I could change (wouldn't that be in the same category?) and the things I have learned to deal with. Don't get me wrong, in certain aspects, great aspects, my life is fabulous! I have an amazing amazing amazing 2 almost 3 year old whose knowledge is well past his years and could out charm just about any baby gap model, I am extremely grateful for him... that being an understatement. I also have know an amazing God in whom I serve and walk with daily. My family... some very great amazing people. In the grande scheme of things I have so much to be grateful for including my health but every now and then, like tonight, I have moments where this whirlwind called marriage, or lack there of, gets the best of me. We are still undergoing the process called divorce. You may think it would be easy... only my current husband makes me feel like I am in a bipolar relationship. Maybe there's a reason I feel this way? Like... a legitimate reason? One second he's sweeping me off my feet, promising me things only his promises are only for today, not tomorrow. By tomorrow I mean the rest of our lives. I have been feeling like to him I am good enough for him today, but not forever. It hurts, oh dear Lord it hurts. Seven years... that's how long we have been seeing each other. That's how long I have been dedicated to this man, seven years. I wouldn't change a day of it for the world but when I got married I thought it would be one of those forever kind of things. I love him enough for that. Lately I have been feeling like to him I am not even worth today. We have been fighting like crazy lately, over stupid things. Well, to me their stupid simply because they don't need to be fought over. He doesn't see my heart or my intentions, only what he assumes I mean. I can only imagine who I am in his mind... it's not the real me.
Anyway, I originally started this post to finally show you guys the collage prints I completed (although I need to finish the book). The book was supposed to be his valentines present, unfortunately it is not done yet, 25 more pages to go. Here are the current pages that I have finished. It was hard making them for someone else, a guy, him in general. If it was done for me, I know what I like and what I don't. I am just hoping he looks at this book and doesn't throw it in his closet never to be opened... I guess it's a chance I am taking.